Wednesday, August 7, 2013

What illness takes from us...and what we don't have to let it take from us!

There are certain truths when it comes to living with a chronic illness that doesn't have a cure...yet.  One of those truths is that there will be things that you used to do without much thought in the past that you will have to weigh out the risk/reward ratio.  It's hard to do when if you are, like me, a person who wants to do what she wants just to prove that she still can!  Maybe it's my pride, maybe it's me being perseverant.  Either way, I know that I can't ignore it.  The harsh truth for me is what happens after I go into "Wonder Woman" mode.  I'm usually down for the count for a few days.  Another truth is that my health is like playing a game of Minesweeper on expert level.  Sometimes I never know what's going to happen.  Sometimes I luck out...sometimes I go to my doctor to hear that I have a DVT in my calf.  What gives?  I know I have to take it easier than I would like to and sometimes I rail against that.  When I feel good, even though I know better, I will ride that high because I don't know when I'll have another awesome day again.  I want to take it all in!

Here's what being sick doesn't get to take from me.  It can't take my self esteem away from me.  Admittedly, losing some of my hair when I was on plaquenil did do a number on my self image and that affected my self esteem.  However, my daughter introduced me to the world of hats that are cute and that hide hair loss.  I'm not on that medication any longer and my hair did grow back but even if it hadn't, I had a lot of really cute hats!  Being sick may sap me of energy, but it's not taking the part of me that can dig in and climb!  Being sick can't take my sense of humor away!  I like laughing too much to turn into an angry person who sees nothing to laugh about in the world.  If I didn't laugh, I would cry.  Being sick doesn't make me unlovable by my family and friends.  No, lupus.  You don't get to take that away from me! 

Sometimes it's hard to keep getting pummeled by health problems and it's exhausting, both physically and emotionally, but I just remember that I'm tough and my toughness belongs to ME!