I keep going back and forth over the opportunity to be a part of the "Illuminate" clinical studies that people who have diagnosed SLE can take part in. It shouldn't be so hard because I've always maintained that I want to take every chance that I can to get better. I just didn't realize that a study of this magnitude could happen so quickly and that's scaring me more that I thought possible.
Maybe my fear is stemming from the absolute certainty that for the time that the clinical studies and trials are being held that my life will be altered. I'm frightened of that because I take comfort in having as much consistency in my life as is humanly possible. Part of the fear for me is also that I'm afraid of getting my hopes up, believing that it might just work for me, and then finding out that I can't be helped by the clinical trial results. I'm also not too keen on more doctor apartments, additional blood work in addition to my regular blood work. I know that I would feel anxious over whether I'm recieving the active course of drug therapy or if I'm on the placebo. Then there's the possibility of having to travel to take part in the clinical studies and that further complicates the situation. It's all so overwhelming to me right now.
On a positive note, at least the time, money and effort is being put toward lupus which is phenomenal! I would love to be a part of the clinical trials because the need for progress when it comes to not just lupus, but other autoimmune diseases.
I'm a candidate for the study and I even have the name of the doctor and facility where the clinical studies are going to take place. Again, I'm scared. I want to do the study, but there are too many objects that are standing in my way. I really want to do something that will matter and will help further the clinical studies make some serious headway.
I wish that I knew the path to take.
