Even when we don't see it...

It's in all of us.  Strength.   Not physical strength, but the brand of strength that allows us to endure the kind of pain that none of us ever believes that we could withstand.  It's what makes it possible for us to scratch and claw and climb after we have fallen so far down.  It's not just strength, but courage as well.  How else is it possible to lose those that we love with everything that we have inside of us but still have the capacity to love?  That's strength and courage to me.  When we can open our hearts and love so completely knowing how badly it hurts to lose our loved ones speaks volumes about how strong we are!  

My sister lost her son two years ago today.  Although Anthony only had one short day in this world, he left little fingerprints on our hearts.  Tyra wasn't just strong enough to endure losing Anthony; she stayed strong enough to be willing to give love again.  She now has a beautiful baby boy, Jaden, who is most definitely loved by all! 

When our mother died, it was a struggle to be strong.  I shut out my feelings as best I could because at the time, I believed that strength was not showing anyone how much I was hurting.  I did my best to disconnect emotionally.  I wouldn't allow myself to miss my mom until I reached the point in time when I couldn't hold it all in anymore.  I refused to even let myself think about losing my dad because I felt like I wouldn't be able to go through the devastation of losing another parent.  As strange as it may seem, I wanted to be able to shut down my feelings.  I didn't want to love my dad because I wanted to avoid the pain that would be sure to come if I lost him, too.  I don't believe that any longer and I'm thankful for it.  I love my dad.  I'll dig deep to gather the strength that I need to allow me to love my dad without holding back because of the pain that I know will come when he's gone.

People who suffer loss and heartache and still remain open to love and be loved are amazing.  It takes strength and courage to willingly to do give love, which is infinte, while still knowing that life is finite. Very strong and brave, indeed!

  

"Birth" day and beyond!

Birth is more than just a moment to cherish.  It's only the key that unlocks the door.  What is beyond that door is the reason that we are all born in the first place!  We are born to really live!  We are born to learn and to teach.  We are born to give and recieve love.  We come into our lives with an open canvas that lets us paint the picture or the empty journal that lets us tell our story.  We are born to experience life, not just get through life.  Life shouldn't be something that we feel that we have to "get through".  I'm not interested in getting through life without drinking it all in.  I'm not talking about just the parts where I am full of bliss. For me, I think that if I only want the joyful times, then I'm not honoring the contract that I made with God when I was given life.  It's not always going to be pretty.   In fact, it's ugly and painful at times.  There are times that we truly feel like we can't possibly handle any more pain that we've been living in, but it's that pain that lets us know that we are really alive and that we are learning.  The lessons hurt like Hell but they do mean that we have a pretty strong desire to live if we are willing to go through the pain with only hope to cling to for a better tommorow.  I need every single experience in my life, the good and the bad,.  I need all of the past experiences no matter what they were and I look forward to having more experiences to make my life fuller.  I know that I don't get a guarantee that I'll have smooth skies and beautiful weather to cancel out the gut wrenching pain that has become my constant companion.  It's all a part of the experience of really living. 
 I find birth to be a bitter sweet time because we don't have a finite amount of time on this earth to discover our passions and to dive into them and explore.  There are no guarantees.  It's why it's crucial to take time to immerse ourselves into life!  We need to fall in love, and like most people, experience heart break as well.  It's all part of the package.  If we are lucky enough to have opportunities to experience something new, then we shouldn't let it pass us by.  Sometimes those opportunities help us to rediscover our passions and even pursue them!  If we are simply going through the motions in life, we will always miss out on those chances!   That's something that comes back to haunt us.   We need to really live!  If we don't, then our story will end with no resolution and our painting will be incomplete. 

Fall in love with living!  Expect that sometimes you won't want to, but love life anyway.  Yes, there will most certainly be pain and loss.  Yes, there will be anger and resentment as well as many other feeling that pretty much suck.  There's no denying that.  I like to think about the other aspects of living that make the bad feeling worth having.  We will experience love in so many forms and the best part of that is that when we give that love without conditions, we will get it back even if we don't expect to!  We can learn, and that's a beautiful thing.  We can teach, and that's beautiful, too.  We can show compassion.  We can take joy in what we have a passion for doing.  I love to listen to Olivia play guitar because she lights up when she plays and I love to see that!   She's completely in her element when she's playing.  She's creative and talented, but the absolute joy that she has when she plays is what is most clear.

I read a quote today and it really resonated with me.
 
"Each moment is a place we've never been." -- Mark Strand